The Illustrated Works of Shakespeare/Illustrated Works of Shakespeare, The (1990)(Animated Pixels)[!][CDTV-PC].iso/shakes/text/09/03_02

Text File | 1991-04-10 | 16KB | 445 lines

Gloucestershire. Before Justice Shallow's House.
 Enter Justice SHALLOW and Justice SILENCE, meeting;
 with MOULDY, SHADOW, WART, FEEBLE, BULLCALF, following far behind Shallow.

Shallow    Come on, come on, come on; give me your hand, sir, give me
    your hand, sir. An early stirrer, by the rood! And how
    doth my good cousin Silence?

Silence    Good morrow, good cousin Shallow.

Shallow    And how doth my cousin your bedfellow? And your fairest
    daughter and mine, my goddaughter Ellen?

Silence    Alas, a black woosel, cousin Shallow.

Shallow    By yea and no, sir, I dare say my cousin William is become
    a good scholar. He is at Oxford still, is he not?

Silence    Indeed, sir, to my cost.

Shallow    A' must then to the Inns o'Court shortly. I was once of
    Clement's Inn, where I think they will talk of mad Shallow
    yet.

Silence    You were called 'lusty Shallow' then, cousin.

Shallow    By the mass, I was called anything; and I would have done
    anything indeed too, and roundly too. There was I, and
    little John Doit of Staffordshire, and black George
    Barnes, and Francis Pickbone, and Will Squele, a Cotsole
    man - you had not four such swinge-bucklers in all the
    Inns o'Court again; and, I may say to you, we knew where
    the bona-robas were, and had the best of them all at
    commandment. Then was Jack Falstaff, now Sir John, a boy,
    and page to Thomas Mowbray, Duke of Norfolk.

Silence    This Sir John, cousin, that comes hither anon about
    soldiers?

Shallow    The same Sir John, the very same. I see him break
    Scoggin's head at the court gate when a' was a crack not
    thus high; and the very same day did I fight with one
    Samson Stockfish, a fruiterer, behind Gray's Inn. Jesu,
    Jesu, the mad days that I have spent! And to see how many
    of my old acquaintance are dead!

Silence    We shall all follow, cousin.

Shallow    Certain, 'tis certain; very sure, very sure. Death, as the
    Psalmist saith, is certain to all, all shall die. How a
    good yoke of bullocks at Stamford fair?

Silence    By my troth, I was not there.

Shallow    Death is certain. Is old Double of your town living yet?

Silence    Dead, sir.

Shallow    Jesu, Jesu, dead! A' drew a good bow - and dead? A' shot a
    fine shoot. John a'Gaunt loved him well, and betted much
    money on his head. Dead! A' would have clapped i'th' clout
    at twelve score, and carried you a forehand shaft a
    fourteen and fourteen and a half, that it would have done
    a man's heart good to see. How a score of ewes now?

Silence    Thereafter as they be: a score of good ewes may be worth
    ten pounds.

Shallow    And is old Double dead?

Silence    Here come two of Sir John Falstaff's men, as I think.

                   Enter BARDOLPH and Falstaff's PAGE.

Shallow    Good morrow, honest gentlemen.

Bardolph    I beseech you, which is Justice Shallow?

Shallow    I am Robert Shallow, sir; a poor esquire of this county,
    and one of the king's justices of the peace. What is your
    good pleasure with me?

Bardolph    My captain, sir, commends him to you; my captain Sir John
    Falstaff, a tall gentleman, by heaven, and a most gallant
    leader.

Shallow    He greets me well, sir. I knew him a good backsword man.
    How doth the good knight? May I ask how my lady his wife
    doth?

Bardolph    Sir, pardon; a soldier is better accommodated than with a
    wife.

Shallow    It is well said, in faith, sir; and it is well said
    indeed, too. "Better accommodated?" - it is good, yea
    indeed is it; good phrases are surely, and ever were, very
    commendable. "Accommodated", it comes of 'accommodo'. Very
    good, a good phrase.

Bardolph    Pardon, sir, I have heard the word - "phrase" call you it?
    By this day, I know not the phrase; but I will maintain
    the word with my sword to be a soldier-like word, and a
    word of exceeding good command, by heaven. Accommodated:
    that is, when a man is, as they say, accommodated; or,
    when a man is being whereby a' may be thought to be
    accommodated; which is an excellent thing.

Shallow    It is very just.

                         Enter Sir John FALSTAFF.

    Look, here comes good Sir John. Give me your good hand,
    give me your worship's good hand. By my troth, you like
    well, and bear your years very well. Welcome, good Sir
    John.

Falstaff    I am glad to see you well, good Master Robert Shallow.
    Master Surecard, as I think?

Shallow    No, Sir John, it is my cousin Silence, in commission with
    me.

Falstaff    Good Master Silence, it well befits you should be of the
    peace.

Silence    Your good worship is welcome.

Falstaff    Fie, this is hot weather, gentlemen. Have you provided me
    here half a dozen sufficient men?

Shallow    Marry have we, sir. Will you sit?

Falstaff    Let me see them, I beseech you.

Shallow    Where's the roll, where's the roll, where's the roll? Let
    me see, let me see, let me see. So, so, so, so, so, so,
    so. Yea, marry, sir - Ralph Mouldy! [To SILENCE.] Let them
    appear as I call; let them do so, let them do so. Let me
    see - Where is Mouldy?

Mouldy    [Coming forward.] Here, and't please you.

Shallow    What think you, Sir John? A good-limbed fellow; young,
    strong, and of good friends.

Falstaff    Is thy name Mouldy?

Mouldy    Yea, and't please you.

Falstaff    'Tis the more time thou wert used.

Shallow    Ha, ha, ha, most excellent, i'faith. Things that are
    mouldy lack use - very singular good, in faith. Well said,
    Sir John, very well said.

Falstaff    Prick him.

Mouldy    I was pricked well enough before, and you could have let
    me alone. My old dame will be undone now for one to do her
    husbandry and her drudgery. You need not to have pricked
    me; there are other men fitter to go out than I.

Falstaff    Go to! Peace, Mouldy, you shall go. Mouldy, it is time you
    were spent.

Mouldy    Spent!

Shallow    Peace, fellow, peace; stand aside - know you where you
    are? For th' other, Sir John, let me see. - Simon Shadow!

Falstaff    Yea, marry, let me have him to sit under: he's like to be
    a cold soldier.

Shallow    Where's Shadow?

Shadow    [Coming forward.] Here, sir.

Falstaff    Shadow, whose son art thou?

Shadow    My mother's son, sir.

Falstaff    Thy mother's son! Like enough, and thy father's shadow: so
    the son of the female is the shadow of the male; it is
    often so indeed - but much of the father's substance!

Shallow    Do you like him, Sir John?

Falstaff    Shadow will serve for summer; prick him, for we have a
    number of shadows fill up the muster-book.

Shallow    Thomas Wart!

Falstaff    Where's he?

Wart    [Coming forward.] Here, sir.

Falstaff    Is thy name Wart?

Wart    Yea, sir.

Falstaff    Thou art a very ragged Wart.

Shallow    Shall I prick him, Sir John?

Falstaff    It were superfluous, for his apparel is built upon his
    back, and the whole frame stands upon pins: prick him no
    more.

Shallow    Ha, ha, ha! You can do it, sir, you can do it; I commend
    you well. Francis Feeble!

Feeble    [Coming forward.] Here, sir.

Falstaff    What trade art thou, Feeble?

Feeble    A woman's tailor, sir.

Shallow    Shall I prick him, sir?

Falstaff    You may; but if he had been a man's tailor he'd ha'
    pricked you. Wilt thou make as many holes in an enemy's
    battle as thou hast done in a woman's petticoat?

Feeble    I will do my good will, sir; you can have no more.

Falstaff    Well said, good woman's tailor! Well said, courageous
    Feeble! Thou wilt be as valiant as the wrathful dove, or
    most magnanimous mouse. Prick the woman's tailor well,
    Master Shallow; deep, Master Shallow.

Feeble    I would Wart might have gone, sir.

Falstaff    I would thou wert a man's tailor, that thou mightst mend
    him and make him fit to go. I cannot put him to a private
    soldier that is the leader of so many thousands. Let that
    suffice, most forcible Feeble.

Feeble    It shall suffice, sir.

Falstaff    I am bound to thee, reverend Feeble. Who is next?

Shallow    Peter Bullcalf o'th' green!

Falstaff    Yea, marry, let's see Bullcalf.

Bullcalf    [Coming forward.] Here, sir.

Falstaff    'Fore God, a likely fellow! Come, prick me Bullcalf till
    he roar again.

Bullcalf    O Lord, good my lord captain -

Falstaff    What, dost thou roar before thou art pricked?

Bullcalf    O Lord, sir, I am a diseased man.

Falstaff    What disease hast thou?

Bullcalf    A whoreson cold, sir, a cough, sir, which I caught with
    ringing in the king's affairs upon his coronation day,
    sir.

Falstaff    Come, thou shalt go to the wars in a gown; we will have
    away thy cold, and I will take such order that thy friends
    shall ring for thee. Is here all?

Shallow    Here is two more called than your number; you must have
    but four here, sir. And so, I pray you, go in with me to
    dinner.

Falstaff    Come, I will go drink with you, but I cannot tarry dinner.
    I am glad to see you, by my troth, Master Shallow.

Shallow    O, Sir John, do you remember since we lay all night in the
    Windmill in Saint George's Field?

Falstaff    No more of that, good Master Shallow, no more of that.

Shallow    Ha, 'twas a merry night! And is Jane Nightwork alive?

Falstaff    She lives, Master Shallow.

Shallow    She never could away with me.

Falstaff    Never, never; she would always say she could not abide
    Master Shallow.

Shallow    By the mass, I could anger her to th' heart. She was then
    a bona-roba. Doth she hold her own well?

Falstaff    Old, old, Master Shallow.

Shallow    Nay, she must be old, she cannot choose but be old;
    certain she's old; and had Robin Nightwork by old
    Nightwork before I came to Clement's Inn.

Silence    That's fifty-five year ago.

Shallow    Ha, cousin Silence, that thou hadst seen that that this
    knight and I have seen! Ha, Sir John, said I well?

Falstaff    We have heard the chimes at midnight, Master Shallow.

Shallow    That we have, that we have, that we have; in faith, Sir
    John, we have. Our watchword was "Hem, boys!" Come, let's
    to dinner; come, let's to dinner. Jesus, the days that we
    have seen! Come, come.
                            [Exeunt FALSTAFF, SHALLOW and SILENCE.

Bullcalf    Good Master Corporate Bardolph, stand my friend, and
    here's four Harry ten shillings in French crowns for you.
    In very truth, sir, I had as lief be hanged, sir, as go;
    and yet for mine own part, sir, I do not care; but rather
    because I am unwilling, and for mine own part have a
    desire to stay with my friends; else, sir, I did not care,
    for mine own part, so much.
                                                    [Giving the money.

Bardolph    Go to; stand aside.

Mouldy    And, good Master Corporal Captain, for my old dame's sake
    stand my friend. She has nobody to do anything about her
    when I am gone, and she is old and cannot help herself.
    You shall have forty, sir.
                                                    [Giving the money.

Bardolph    Go to; stand aside.

Feeble    By my troth, I care not; a man can die but once: we owe
    God a death. I'll ne'er bear a base mind. And't be my
    destiny, so; and't be not, so. No man's too good to
    serve's prince; and, let it go which way it will, he that
    dies this year is quit for the next.

Bardolph    Well said; thou'rt a good fellow.

Feeble    Faith, I'll bear no base mind.

                  Re-enter FALSTAFF, SHADOW and SILENCE.

Falstaff    Come, sir, which men shall I have?

Shallow    Four of which you please.

Bardolph    [Aside to FALSTAFF] Sir, a word with you. I have three
    pound to free Mouldy and Bullcalf.

Falstaff    [Aside to BARDOLPH] Go to, well.

Shallow    Come, Sir John, which four will you have?

Falstaff    Do you choose for me.

Shallow    Marry then - Mouldy, Bullcalf, Feeble, and Shadow.

Falstaff    Mouldy and Bullcalf? For you, Mouldy, stay at home till
    you are past service; and for your part, Bullcalf, grow
    till you come unto it. I will none of you.
                                        [Exeunt MOULDY and BULLCALF.

Shallow    Sir John, Sir John, do not yourself wrong; they are your
    likeliest men, and I would have you served with the best.

Falstaff    Will you tell me, Master Shallow, how to choose a man?
    Care I for the limb, the thews, the stature, bulk, and big
    assemblance of a man? Give me the spirit, Master Shallow.
    Here's Wart - you see what a ragged appearance it is: a'
    shall charge you and discharge you with the motion of a
    pewterer's hammer, come off and on swifter than he that
    gibbets on the brewer's bucket. And this same half-faced
    fellow, Shadow; give me this man - he presents no mark to
    the enemy: the foeman may with as great aim level at the
    edge of a penknife. And for a retreat, how swiftly will
    this Feeble, the woman's tailor, run off! O, give me the
    spare men, and spare me the great ones. Put me a caliver
    into Wart's hand, Bardolph.

Bardolph    [Giving a caliver to WART.]
    Hold, Wart. Traverse - thas! thas! thas!

Falstaff    Come, manage me your caliver. So, very well! Go to, very
    good! Exceeding good! O, give me always a little, lean,
    old, chopped, bald shot. Well said, i' faith, Wart,
    thou'rt a good scab. Hold, there's a tester for thee.

Shallow    He is not his craft's master, he doth not do it right. I
    remember at Mile End Green, when I lay at Clement's Inn -
    I was then Sir Dagonet in Arthur's show - there was a
    little quiver fellow, and a' would manage you his piece
    thus, and a' would about, and about, and come you in, and
    come you in. "Rah, tah, tah" would a' say; "Bounce" would
    a' say; and away again would a' go, and again would a'
    come. I shall ne'er see such a fellow.

Falstaff    These fellows will do well, Master Shallow. God keep you,
    Master Silence; I will not use many words with you. Fare
    you well, gentlemen both; I thank you. I must a dozen mile
    tonight. Bardolph, give the soldiers coats.

Shallow    Sir John, the Lord bless you! God prosper your affairs!
    God send us peace! At your return, visit our house; let
    our old acquaintance be renewed. Peradventure I will with
    ye to the court.

Falstaff    'Fore God, I would you would, Master Shallow.

Shallow    Go to, I have spoke at a word. God keep you!

Falstaff    Fare you well, gentle gentlemen.
                                        [Exeunt SHALLOW and SILENCE.
    On, Bardolph; lead the men away.
                                                    [Exeunt all but FALSTAFF.
    As I return, I will fetch off these justices: I do see the
    bottom of Justice Shallow. Lord, Lord, how subject we old
    men are to this vice of lying! This same starved justice
    hath done nothing but prate to me of the wildness of his
    youth and the feats he hath done about Turnbull Street,
    and every third word a lie, duer paid to the hearer than
    the Turk's tribute. I do remember him at Clement's Inn,
    like a man made after supper of a cheese-paring. When a'
    was naked, he was for all the world like a forked radish
    with a head fantastically carved upon it with a knife. A'
    was so forlorn that his dimensions to any thick sight were
    invisible. A' was the very genius of famine, yet lecherous
    as a monkey, and the whores called him mandrake. A' came
    ever in the rearward of the fashion, and sung those tunes
    to the overscutched housewives that he heard the carmen
    whistle, and sware they were his fancies or his good-
    nights. And now is this Vice's dagger become a squire, and
    talks as familiarly of John a'Gaunt as if he had been
    sworn brother to him, and I'll be sworn a' ne'er saw him
    but once in the tilt-yard, and then he burst his head for
    crowding among the marshal's men. I saw it and told John
    a'Gaunt he beat his own name, for you might have thrust
    him and all his apparel into an eel-skin; the case of a
    treble hautboy was a mansion for him, a court - and now
    has he land and beefs. Well, I'll be acquainted with him,
    if I return; and't shall go hard but I'll make him a
    philosopher's two stones to me. If the young dace be a
    bait for the old pike, I see no reason in the law of
    nature but I may snap at him. Let time shape, and there an
    end.

                                                    [Exit.